Slave to Fear

You know the feeling. That crippling, gut wrenching one. The one that makes you want to just crawl out of your skin as if it was possible to escape it and rid yourself of it like shedding your coat as you walk in from the cold. If only it was that easy. Man, do I wish it was that easy.

Instead, I find myself desperately trying to escape its grasp by moving as fast and as much as possible. If I just keep moving, eventually it will lose its grip. Unfortunately, this is the soul version of quick sand. The more I struggle and fight against it, the more I find myself sinking deeper and faster until I am gasping for air. Before I know it, I have been swallowed whole.

This is fear.

Fear.

Sometimes I think if I acknowledge it, call it out, then that will somehow loosen its grip. Or if I just push through it and don't focus on it, then my determination will make me outgrow it like a raggedy hand-me-down that I only wore because I had to.

However, these have only been temporary ways to mask the fact that it was still there, following me like a shadow that thrived in the daylight. It didn't make sense.

As a last ditch effort, I find myself thrashing around, desperately trying to rid myself of it, unintentionally paralyzing myself.

I find myself...

I just keep moving...

I struggle and fight...

I find myself sinking...

I am gasping...

I just push through it...

And there it is.

I. Me. Myself. My.

Quicksand is not something you can escape on your own. And yet I find myself thinking I can. If I'm determined enough, I can save myself. I know it.

I enlist the Lord to help me by standing on the edge and telling me what to do. Then I will do it. I will get myself out of this.

Just stop.

Stop moving. Stop striving.

YOU cannot overcome this, Calli.

So please stop trying.

Be still. Trust that God will get you out. Look to Him. It is the only way. He is the only one who can.

How?

TRUTH.

Change the climate of your heart and soul with truth. Let God's love, grace, and peace filled truths fill you.

Dwell on these things. Listen. Rest. Lean in to these truths. It is the only way.

"I am a child of God"

"I'm no longer a slave to fear. I am a child of God."

"My fears are drowned in perfect love"

"You split the sea so I can walk right through it"

"Till all my fears are gone"

Till. All. My. Fears. Are. Gone.

I am currently in need of these truths like an I.V. drip. Pouring constantly into my heart. If you find yourself in the same place, for whatever reason that may be. Please stop trying. Rest in these truths. Surround yourself in them so they can change the climate of your heart.

Join me in surrendering. God will meet us. He will gladly come running.

And that is how God will deliver you from it. Not you.

All of these truths can be found in the song "No Longer Slaves" by Bethel Music.

Allow the song to speak to your heart what you need most. I currently have it on repeat. It takes a lot for me.

No Longer Slaves. I Am A Child Of God.