Mind your P's and Q's

At this point in my life, I am coming to realize that I don't have it all together and I probably never will. And you know what? That is okay. Rather than freaking out about it, I am learning to sit in it. Wrap my arms around it. I am learning to grow and practice my patience, and embrace my constant questions.

Nothing happens over night.

When I can learn to be at peace with the fact that things take time, I can actually allow myself to be. I can finally begin to enjoy the journey. That is the point after all. It is not about getting to the end point, but it is about the process of getting there.

If I am being completely honest, I am not convinced that there is such a thing as the "end point" or "end goal."

When I can stop focusing on that and stop seeing my life as a 10-step process to completion or fulfillment, then I can finally take a deep breath and relax. I can start to focus on the here and now, embracing everything that IS, rather than dwelling on what isn't.

I feel as though our fulfillment or purpose is not some destination that we constantly work toward.

What if we chose to see it as something that grows and develops slowly, in little moments that we can so easily overlook? Fulfillment and purpose are fluid. They are always there, present, but continually and slowly developing and taking shape in the day by day.

No purpose is greater than another. So if we simply choose to be present in each moment and day that we find ourselves in, then maybe we can stop this worrying and constant questioning about what we should be doing. Or stop the perpetual doubting of wether or not we are on the right track or in the right place.

We are often so inclined to be discontent with where we are in life. We do this because it is easier and safer. We don't have to take ownership for where we are. We don't have to risk investing, staking our claim. Failing. But that is often the biggest accomplishment: putting roots in. My generation sees that as settling, getting stuck. And it terrifies us.

But what if it were to mean simply living fully where you are?

Regardless of the risks and worries that accompany that seemingly horrifying thought. If we can allow ourselves to do that, we may find that purpose and fulfillment are not lofty ideals that we long for and talk about over coffee. No. They are things that happen when we let go and choose to simply be where we are. Embrace what is around us at this very point in time.

"But, what if I'm not supposed to stay here?! Or, what if..."

"No, stop."

"But I'm not...."

"No, just take a deep breath. Calm your mind. Believe it or not, child, it is ok to stop striving, stop reaching, and put down roots."

We constantly find ourselves wanting to go out and away and move forward, move beyond.

But what if the answers lie in moving deeper?

Digging in to the places where we find ourselves.

Anything of value or worth is never going to be found lying around on the surface. Relationships, work, meaning, purpose, fulfillment....

They are things you have to find yourself in the middle of.

Completely surrounded by.

Fully immersed in.

Once the distance we try to create and keep around ourselves is gone, then we open ourselves up to the possibility going below the surface. When we finally allow ourselves to venture deep, then we will realize why these things seemed so elusive to us when we had only chosen to scratch the surface.

They are messy. They are dirty. They are gonna make your back ache and your brow sweat.

But the things that I hold most dear are the things that required all of me. No turning back. The things that stripped my pride away. Left me hunched over, hands on my knees, out of breath.

Things I honestly wasn't sure I was capable of doing, but I gave it my all anyway. Those are the things that forever make up the corners of my heart. Because we are not creatures meant to simply scratch the surface. We are meant to dig deep until we think we can't go any deeper. And then dig some more.

We are a people of substance.

And that does not exist on the surface. It never will. It exists in the fully immersive. The place where colors bleed together and not everything has a place.

I want to be able to look back at every phase in my life and know that I strove to be present.

We are created for the here and now. All of our senses enrich where we find ourselves, not where we could or should be. They are made to enhance THIS scent, THIS sound, and every aspect that surround us.

Here.

Not over there, or some day.

Today.

If we are fundamentally created for the here and now, why are we punishing ourselves by constantly living in the future, in the unknown, in the fear?

In fact, the grass is greener where you water it. As cliche as it may seem, it is and always will be true.

So let's put in the work wherever we find ourselves at this point in life. Let's not dwell on the future or the uncertainties that plague our minds. Instead, let us take the risk and invest.

Will it cost us?

Yes.

Praise God it will.